Hey Raven,
Sorry for the days of radio silence. We have been on vacation (you were super sick so I forgive you for missing a blog post!)
Tonight we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and it got me thinking. About a lot of things. Mostly how our society deals (or more frequently doesn't deal) with its oldest members. In the US and in many other similarly "modern" countries we can easily forget the elderly or pidgeon-hole them into a comfortable role. An older woman is a grandmother, an older man is a grandfather - nothing more. They are no longer autonomous beings. They belong to a younger member of society in the same way a very young child belongs to its parents. We, as a society, forget that they aren't just that and sometimes they aren't that at all (not all older people are grandparents, after all). We forget that they are a unique individual. We forget that they are still adults with their own desires, traditions, rituals, experiences, and desires. They are not living for us, nor are they waiting around to die. I have my mother to thank for teaching me this early in my life. My mother is an extraordinarily talented therapist who has worked for more than 20 years with elderly. Her stories and her understanding of her patients as people first and patients second gave me my first view of the elderly as they truly are, not as they are so often seen.
Hollywood often deals poorly with this reality. Most older actors and actresses are sent off to the kindly grandmother, wise grandfather, or society recluse as soon as a sufficient portion of hair has turned gray.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel resists this temptation and instead builds a rich story centered around an almost entirely older cast. The youngest member of the main cast is 59 at the movie's shooting time (hardly what I would consider the "Golden Years" though Hollywood's perception of age is very skewed to say the least). I'm not sure how old they are all meant to be, but clearly of retirement age and beyond. They are at the point where society is starting to see them as a burden: a point made clear early in the movie when Judi Dench's character Evelyn is trying to decide how to proceed with her life after her husband's death. There is little conversation - only her son telling her how things will be. Even after she decides she will not move in with him and will instead head to India he doubts her all the way - assuming she can't do it. Dev Patel's character makes it even clearer later in the movie when he is arguing with his mother about where he will get clients from and he tells her there are plenty of countries where they hate the elderly. And while I don't think hate is precisely the right term, I do think the elderly make many of us uncomfortable or unsure how to act. We tend to ignore them, infantilize them, or fear them.
The movie does an excellent job setting up the way these characters are seen and then does an equally splendid job of challenging our first impressions (and society's view) of these characters throughout. There are many lovely plot lines including one of a gay man returning to India to seek out the lover he feels he wronged many years ago. There is a woman searching for her next rich husband. A woman learning how to be independent after her husband's death. And a particularly unlikable character, at first glance, who works to get over some severe racism and bigotry throughout the movie. The plots are rife with adult (not elderly) content. There is love, sex, discovery, forgiveness, loss, and yes a few very wise words. No character is forgotten or pushed aside and though there are no shortage of jokes on the subject of age they are all made in good taste, but the characters themselves. A notable one comes when one of the men is going out on a date that will clearly end in sex and he is warned of the dangers of having sex at his age. His response? "If she dies, she dies." This one joke is a great summation of how the movie gives viewers the familiar picture of the elderly and then turns it on its ear.
We are people at any age is the take away message of the movie. And it is never too late to live a full life. As a young person I think it is important to remember that and remember that everyone will one day grow old. No one wants to be condescended to, ignored, or seen as a burden after a life of self reliance. In other words we all want to grow old with a little dignity and respect. To get there ourselves we have to start giving dignity and respect now. Seeing each person we meet as an individual with a past and a future.
Best wishes,
Owl
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