And the Number One Is....

Number One Most Insulting Country Music Song (in my opinion) is....

1. "Still A Guy" by Brad Paisley

This one makes me extra sad because I usually really like Paisley's music, but this song is insulting on so many levels that it actually made me like all his other good songs much less. This song combines some of my biggest turn-offs from mainsplaining to gender stereotyping and even a borderline sexual assault-ish line.

The song is sung by a man explaining to his girlfriend that although she may change him in some small ways he will always be who he is. That message is fine (and in fact I like songs that take the position that being in a relationship isn't about changing the other person), but the song takes it a step further and claims that he will always be "a guy". Here's where I take issue with that message: there isn't just one way to be a guy. Paisley seems to define a man as someone who fishes, hunts, doesn't understand art, and doesn't understand when his partner wants closeness but not sex.

Paisley equates getting manicures, hair highlighting, even putting lotion on your hands with getting neutered (seriously - those are the exact words he uses). That is a narrow-minded, and frankly unacceptable, viewpoint to hold in the 21st century. Being a man shouldn't have to be about being the toughest person in the room and taking pride in a rugged, un-groomed appearance. That is only one way to be a man (and frankly one way to be a woman, too). There is no blueprint or checklist for the genders. A woman doesn't have to be "feminine" to be a woman. A man doesn't have to be "masculine". In fact, I would love to get rid of those two words all together because they mean nothing to me anymore. I have a lot of female identifying friends who are tough, strong, hunting, fishing, outdoors-y folk. That doesn't make them "a guy" any more than not being those things makes you not a guy. It makes you, you.

It makes me so angry so see this message being sent out, even in country music to people who might take it to heart and get away from who they are so they can be who they think they should be.

The best excerpts from "Still A Guy"

• "when you say a backrub mean only a backrub/Then you swat my hand when I try/Well, what can I say athe end of the day/Honey, I'm still a guy"
• "I might walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall/But remember I'm still a guy"
• "I don't highlight my hair/Yeah, I've still got a pair"

How are any of these things okay to say these days? They shouldn't be.

When I discover songs like this sometimes I have to take a break from country music because it reminds me that this genre is, in many ways, stuck too deeply in the past. When country music draws this strongly from its traditional southern roots I am reminded that I don't belong in that culture. That it makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And most of all, it alienates me. If country musicians were smart they would realize their audience is a wide one and although their music is rooted in the past, it doesn't have to stay there.

To end this post on a happier note I'll share some of my favorite recent songs in country music - with better messages!

Country Songs With Messages I Can Get Behind (in no particular order)

1. "Follow Your Arrow" by Kacey Musgraves* (an upbeat "be yourself" anthem that is incredibly inclusive and even LGBT friendly!)
2. "Girl in a Country Song" by Maddie and Tay (about the sexism in bro-y country music)
3. "Diamond Rings and Old Bar Stools" by Tim McGraw (about a break-up)
4. "Little Toy Guns" by Carrie Underwood (about the damage angry words can have - especially in terms of the effects of parental arguing on their children)
5. "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry (a meditation on dying young...? It's hard to describe)
6. "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss** (a story about a man and woman destroyed by alcoholism)
7. "Loving You Easy" by Zac Brown Band (pretty generic love song, but I'm really digging it at the moment)
8. "I Got the Boy" by Jana Kramer (a nostalgia-laden remembrance of young love)
9. "All Kinds of Kinds" by Miranda Lambert (about how the world needs diversity)
10. "One of the Guys" by Terri Clark (a better way to do gender - on an individual basis)

So there's my country music rant. I am off to listen to everything Kacey Musgraves ever released...

Best wishes,

Owl

*All her music is phenomenal. She is a talented lyricist and super progressive. 

** Allison Krauss (a bluegrass singer) has the most angelic voice I have ever heard.