Graduation

'Tis the season for college graduations. I didn't mention this as one of the personal landmarks commemorated on May 12 in my last post, but in addition to Owl's birthday and our anniversary, it also marked two years since I graduated from college. I've been thinking a lot about graduation, college life, and my life now as an "adult" in the "real world". (What it means to be an adult and what it means to life in the so-called "real world" are both subjective notions. Let's ignore the nuances of each concept right now, or else we'll never get anything done.)

I loved college. Absolutely loved it. I loved the classes, which encouraged me to think both analytically and creatively and which challenged me in a way coursework never had before. I loved the professors, who, at my small liberal arts college, were personable, engaged, and brilliant. And I loved the community. It was the first time I found a group of friends that ever truly made me feel like I belonged, and that feeling, that realization of kinship and unity, stayed with me throughout all of college and into my post-college life.

Graduation, for me as for so many others, was incredibly bittersweet. I looked forward to the opportunities ahead of me---I had an archaeological dig lined up for the end of the summer, and an internship supervised by one of my professors after that---but I knew that I would dearly miss all that I was leaving behind. I was anxious, scared, excited, and sad, all at once. When I walked across that stage, I was proud of what I had accomplished, but I also felt myself wondering if I could have accomplished more. Did I get the most out of my education? Did I take advantage of the resources at my disposal to their fullest extent? Did I engage with my community and with my peers as much as I could have? These doubts still linger today----could I have been a better student? Absolutely. Though I tried very hard to get where I did, there's always room for improvement. I could have pushed myself harder. I could have aimed even higher. Could I have been a better leader? Sure. I held several important leadership positions in clubs and camps organizations, but my commitment wavered, I spread myself too thin more often than not, and my confidence could have used a serious boost to really be a great leader. Could I have been a better friend? Of course. Though I made the best friends of my life in college, I could have given them more of  my time. I could have been more supportive. There were times when I should have been there for people who needed me, and I let them down. I know I couldn't be perfect, but I still ask myself if I couldn't at least have been just a bit better. These doubts are natural. We learn from our mistakes. Our regrets motivate us to strive for better outcomes next time around.

The thing is, I'm still asking myself those questions. Not just about college---about everything. When we're young, we have this tenancy to assume that everything will be easier when we grow up. That when we're adults we'll have all the answers. My parents made navigating the dangerous and often unforgiving waters of the real world look easy. I couldn't wait to grow up so that I would know all the cool things they knew, I could do everything with as much ease and confidence as they did. I thought I'd graduate college, or turn twenty, or hit some sort of milestone and then everything would just make sense, and fall into place.

Maybe that milestone is still out there, but I highly doubt it. There's no class you can take on "how to be a grown-up". There are tests though---they're in every interaction we have every day. Around graduation I always see all sorts of books "for the graduate in your life", that promise to have all the answers. How to be an adult. How to succeed in the real world. How to live your life, how to make the best choices, how to live a life free of regrets and doubts and mistakes.

And call me crazy, but I'm beginning to suspect that they're all bullshit.

There's no key. There's no trick. We're always learning, always messing up, always getting better. Nobody can teach us how to be an adult, just like nobody can teach us how to be a kid. This may not seem like a revolutionary concept, but I think no matter how much we rationally know all of this, it can be hard to internalize. It's like I'm still waiting for my "Adult-in-Training" card in the mail, even though I know that it will never come, that I just have to try my best (and know when to ask for help).

To any college graduates (or any sort of graduate, really) reading this, here's the best advice I can give you: Try your hardest, do what feels right, use your brain, and be kind to others. Do that, and everything will probably be alright in the end.

Oh, and one last bit of advice: watch this video, and then this one, this one, and finally this one.*

Soon-to-be-adults and veteran adults alike, thanks for reading, and in the words of John and Hank Green, don't forget to be awesome.

*I don't necessarily endorse all of the content in these videos**, though for the most part I agree with them. But they helped me, and I hope they help you, too!
**Except the last video. I endorse every single kitten in the final video.