Sorry for the break in posts! Monday was a very long day for me at work (12+ hours) and was a difficult day on top of that. Those of you who saw me this weekend can attest to the issues I was looking forward to. Fortunately, the day went much better than predicted.
I am a nanny. Not a babysitter. The two are very similar, but I draw a pretty big distinction between them. A babysitter, to me, is not someone who is heavily invested in their charges day to day life. They don't have a lot of input in house rules and they don't spend regular, long chunks of time with the kids. Babysitters come for a night. Nannies are regular household fixtures. They get recognized by classroom teachers, playdates and playdate parents, even the mailman. And that is me.
I usually spend between 15 and 30 hours every week with the kids (I watch 2). I feel invested in both of them as individuals and I feel like a part of their family. It's a unique and sometimes slightly uncomfortable place to be, but I love it. And I love the kids I spend my days with. But they are kids and it's not an easy job by any stretch. The younger of my two charges is a particular challenge. She is in 1st grade and is already very willful, very clever, and very independent. It's an extremely formidable combination and it is going to take her places in life, but it is more often than not, the cause of huge headaches for both me and her parents.
Friday night I found myself at the house late, after the kids had both gone to bed (the parents have unpredictable work schedules - hence the need for me). When their dad got home from work we had a talk about how his youngest had been acted out (picking on her older sibling, categorically refusing to do as she was asked, pulling attention by being mean or a bully) and how both parents were at their wits end. I understand now (though I never would have before seeing children raised up close and personal) that most parents feel this way a lot of the time. I will always believe kids are a huge blessing to us, but that doesn't mean raising them is always fun or even enjoyable. And this week had been one of those utter unenjoyable weeks for my nanny family. By the end of it the mild mannered dad was pulling his hair out and their slightly more human mother was barely speaking to her youngest child. Having been with the family for close to 2 years now, I can understand how the situation came about. Their youngest is a force to be reckoned with but this was different and worse than usual. Neither parent could account for the change and their daughter was not forthcoming with information on what had put her in such a delightful mood.
I came to work Monday ready for battle. Or at least confrontation (something I am not good at). But there was surprisingly little to be had. I found her somewhat subdued after her weekend (turns out she'd been pretty sick on Sunday and that can mellow anyone out in a hurry). The morning was peaceful (or as peaceful as any morning with two young kids can be) and chores were done with a minimum of fuss. The fighting, such as it was, came after school. I had to review some basics - like why we don't pick gum up off the ground and put it back in our mouths. There was some rules review - unless you are actively sick school days are not movie days. And a bit more rules review - when you make a commitment to an activity you have to see it through, even when it's hard to tear yourself away from something fun to do it. But after all that (and I will mention that all that took the better part of 2 hours to sort out) we managed to have a good afternoon with no nasty words, temper tantrums, or sibling squabbles. Mission accomplished.
Days like that get me to thinking about being a kid again and the things that made it so hard. As a nanny I am finally seeing childhood from the other side and realizing all the things kids will do to get their way. As an adult I see these things are underhanded, mean-spirited, or sometimes just plain cruel, but I'm sure I did them when I was young. And I'm equally sure I felt justified in those actions. When you're a child you see the world in a different way, and perhaps just as importantly, the world sees you in a different way. You aren't able to set your own rules, because no matter how grown up you feel you still don't always know all the far off consequences of your actions (or inactions). You don't really get a lot of say in what activities you do or when you do them. Parents get a lot of input there in how much you commit to and when those commitments will be. Something I often forget is that kids just haven't learned a lot about the world yet and even if they have it can be hard to contextualize. Your brain just isn't developed enough at 7 years old to realize that doing something you don't want to do isn't the end of the world. It can't understand that grown ups have struggles too and often do things they don't want to. From the outside adulthood looks pretty awesome. And so does childhood.
Both children and adults are equally guilty of idealizing the other's lives. Children don't have things easy. They are doing their best to make sense of the world around them and find their place in it. We, as adults, may still be doing that ourselves (while putting up with taxes, jobs, and other pesky adult responsibilities) but we have the power to determine it for ourselves, in our time, and in our own way. More often than not, kids are not afforded that luxury. They have to go to school, do what their parents and other adults tell them to, and follow rules they may not completely understand or agree with (and there's very little recourse if you don't want to do or want to fight any of these childhood responsibilities).
As my mother often tells me when I regale her with the newest story of my difficulties at work, "It's hard work being 7 (or any other young age)." And I think she's right. I always try to remember that on days like Monday when it feels so hard to be an adult. Sometimes it even helps.
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