Everything's Made Up and The Points Don't Matter

For those who don't know, I have quite a penchant for quiz shows. I adore them. I could watch Jeopardy all day long and have no shame at all about it. For some time I thought that I loved quiz shows because they made me feel smarter. I loved being able to answer a question along with the contestants. Or sometimes even before them. I figured it was ego that kept me loving Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune (they ran back to back when I was a kid, don't know if they still do). Well, Raven has introduced a new quiz show to me that proves my previous theory entirely wrong. The show is called Only Connect. It is a British quiz show where 2 teams of 3 compete for no prizes and no rewards. Just a very average trophy declaring them the winners of Only Connect. There are 4 rounds on the show - connections, sequences, connecting wall, and missing vowels.

The connections sequences consists of a series of 4 clues revealed one at a time. The team gets a brief amount of time to work out the connection between the clues. The next phase is the sequences round. The idea is basically the same except that you get only 3 clues and have to provide the 4th that would come next in that sequences. The connecting wall is the 3rd (and my favorite) section. There are 16 clues and teams have to sort the clues into 4 groups of 4. There is only one correct solution to every wall. The missing vowels round (which may be Raven's favorite - it's certainly her best as she often trumps the contestants) is fairly obvious. The host gives a category and then the name of something from that category with no vowels and the consonants re-spaced so for example the phrase Only Connect might look like this during the missing vowels round: nlycn nct. 

The questions are hard. Really, really hard. I can't say that I get more than 10% right in a single episode. Though I have been improving as I watch. I'll give an example. Here is what you might see in the sequences round. Soviet Union, United States, Czechoslovakia, ? Your job is to fill in the question mark. No googling. And don't give yourself an abundance of time (say 2 minutes tops). I'll include the answer in my next post.

Good luck!

Also: the host of Only Connect is Victoria Coren Mitchell. She is a goddess and at least 50% of the reason I am completely hooked on the show. 

Graduation

'Tis the season for college graduations. I didn't mention this as one of the personal landmarks commemorated on May 12 in my last post, but in addition to Owl's birthday and our anniversary, it also marked two years since I graduated from college. I've been thinking a lot about graduation, college life, and my life now as an "adult" in the "real world". (What it means to be an adult and what it means to life in the so-called "real world" are both subjective notions. Let's ignore the nuances of each concept right now, or else we'll never get anything done.)

I loved college. Absolutely loved it. I loved the classes, which encouraged me to think both analytically and creatively and which challenged me in a way coursework never had before. I loved the professors, who, at my small liberal arts college, were personable, engaged, and brilliant. And I loved the community. It was the first time I found a group of friends that ever truly made me feel like I belonged, and that feeling, that realization of kinship and unity, stayed with me throughout all of college and into my post-college life.

Graduation, for me as for so many others, was incredibly bittersweet. I looked forward to the opportunities ahead of me---I had an archaeological dig lined up for the end of the summer, and an internship supervised by one of my professors after that---but I knew that I would dearly miss all that I was leaving behind. I was anxious, scared, excited, and sad, all at once. When I walked across that stage, I was proud of what I had accomplished, but I also felt myself wondering if I could have accomplished more. Did I get the most out of my education? Did I take advantage of the resources at my disposal to their fullest extent? Did I engage with my community and with my peers as much as I could have? These doubts still linger today----could I have been a better student? Absolutely. Though I tried very hard to get where I did, there's always room for improvement. I could have pushed myself harder. I could have aimed even higher. Could I have been a better leader? Sure. I held several important leadership positions in clubs and camps organizations, but my commitment wavered, I spread myself too thin more often than not, and my confidence could have used a serious boost to really be a great leader. Could I have been a better friend? Of course. Though I made the best friends of my life in college, I could have given them more of  my time. I could have been more supportive. There were times when I should have been there for people who needed me, and I let them down. I know I couldn't be perfect, but I still ask myself if I couldn't at least have been just a bit better. These doubts are natural. We learn from our mistakes. Our regrets motivate us to strive for better outcomes next time around.

The thing is, I'm still asking myself those questions. Not just about college---about everything. When we're young, we have this tenancy to assume that everything will be easier when we grow up. That when we're adults we'll have all the answers. My parents made navigating the dangerous and often unforgiving waters of the real world look easy. I couldn't wait to grow up so that I would know all the cool things they knew, I could do everything with as much ease and confidence as they did. I thought I'd graduate college, or turn twenty, or hit some sort of milestone and then everything would just make sense, and fall into place.

Maybe that milestone is still out there, but I highly doubt it. There's no class you can take on "how to be a grown-up". There are tests though---they're in every interaction we have every day. Around graduation I always see all sorts of books "for the graduate in your life", that promise to have all the answers. How to be an adult. How to succeed in the real world. How to live your life, how to make the best choices, how to live a life free of regrets and doubts and mistakes.

And call me crazy, but I'm beginning to suspect that they're all bullshit.

There's no key. There's no trick. We're always learning, always messing up, always getting better. Nobody can teach us how to be an adult, just like nobody can teach us how to be a kid. This may not seem like a revolutionary concept, but I think no matter how much we rationally know all of this, it can be hard to internalize. It's like I'm still waiting for my "Adult-in-Training" card in the mail, even though I know that it will never come, that I just have to try my best (and know when to ask for help).

To any college graduates (or any sort of graduate, really) reading this, here's the best advice I can give you: Try your hardest, do what feels right, use your brain, and be kind to others. Do that, and everything will probably be alright in the end.

Oh, and one last bit of advice: watch this video, and then this one, this one, and finally this one.*

Soon-to-be-adults and veteran adults alike, thanks for reading, and in the words of John and Hank Green, don't forget to be awesome.

*I don't necessarily endorse all of the content in these videos**, though for the most part I agree with them. But they helped me, and I hope they help you, too!
**Except the last video. I endorse every single kitten in the final video.

Festivities

Owl mentioned in her last post that Tuesday was a pretty special day for us. I love taking time to celebrate important events, like anniversaries and birthdays, in a large part because I believe that being actively grateful for good things that have happened is a good practice, but also, because celebrations generally come hand in hand with food.

There's a common Jewish saying: All holidays can be summed up simply, "they tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!" This has always resonated with me. I like the philosophy that we should not spend all our time grieving for the bad things that have happened to us, but rather we should celebrate the victories, and look forward to many more. I love that the culture I grew up in wholeheartedly embraced the idea that life was a joyous and wonderful thing, and that even in hard times, we should rejoice in what we have, and be mindful of all the good there is in the world.

But more than that, I love food. I love how integral it is to so many different aspects of our life. Beyond simply needing nutrients to survive, we as a collective species and as individual communities and cultures have elevated food above a vital resource for our continued survival. Food is inexorably bound with culture, art, community, and expression. A shared meal is one of the firmest and most universal expressions of togetherness and unity. The food we eat, the way we prepare it, how we structure our meals, all help define us as people, both individually and as part of a community. I love the creativity that goes into truly inspired meal planning.

As I have struggled with Mystery Illness, my relationship with food has changed. In some ways it has evolved. I have become more mindful of what I eat, how I eat it, and when. I have developed more patience for preparing meals and for purchasing ingredients. I have built healthier eating habits. It has also challenged my relationship with food, however. I often have little to no appetite. I sometimes go days without a full meal, just eating small  things here and there, because my body just can't handle the thought of food. I have had to try restricting and aggravating diets, which have made meals a frustrating and unpleasant experience, instead of cherished and leisurely culinary adventures, as the best meals should be.

Lately it has seemed as though we were on the brink of some breakthroughs with Mystery Illness. I've had a few good weeks. It's possible that I even have a diagnosis, making the Mystery Illness somewhat less of a mystery. But in the past few days, I've been nearly as sick as I was before the improvement began. It's been disheartening, but I am still hopeful.

Part of what has kept me hopeful is the memory of the last Good Meal I had this week before Mystery Illness began coming round knocking again. The last Good Meal I've had this week was the birthday dinner I prepared for Owl. The whole day, in fact, was filled with good food, and instead of dwelling on how poorly I've been feeling I want to focus on what it felt like to rediscover how amazing it was to be cooking creatively and passionately again. I thought I would share with you some of the highlights from Tuesday's culinary adventures.

I started out Tuesday by bringing Owl breakfast in bed. Normally breakfast and I don't get on, since for whatever reason I generally feel sickest when I first wake up, which is highly unfortunate because breakfast foods are some of my favorites. So I had a wonderful time cooking for Owl, since even though I didn't have much of an appetite myself, I could still go through the process of making the food, with no expectations of having to eat it myself. Often, I like the cooking even better than I like the consuming, so this was actually a very relaxing experience for me.

I fried up some bacon for Owl, and then used a slice of bread to soak up the bacon grease and browned the bread in the pan---a truly evil luxury that Owl and I only save for special occasions because seriously, panfried bacon toast is not your heart's friend. I used some hedgerow jam from the local farmer's market on it, and added some tupelo honey to the top. After that I started on a monster omelet, which was the best part by far of the process for me. I love making omelets, a lot more than I like eating them. Eggs in high density, like in omelets, tend to be hard on my stomach, especially for breakfast, but if I can brag for just a moment, I do make some mean eggs, even if I can't always enjoy them myself. This particular omelet was made with sharp cheddar cheese, Nova Scotia lox, basil leaves, fresh green scallions, rosemary, sage, and some minced garlic.

We had spent the night before making some infused ice cubes, since summer means iced tea. We made a whole bunch, and they came out pretty well. The first batch was mint and lavender, and the second, lemon juice and basil leaves. Finally we broke out our excellent ThinkGeek ice cube trays:  lavender with a blackberry in the middle of each went into the Darth Vader tray, lime juice went into the Space Invaders, and iced mocha into the Han Solo in carbonite trays. Incidentally, I really recommend the ThinkGeek trays. They're all made from food grade silicone, so they're very flexible and it's easy to get the ice out. They have a bunch with different characters and if you ever want to get creative with your beverages, this is a fun way to touch them up a bit!

After breakfast we made some green tea with lemon honey and mint, and added the mint and lavender ice cubes. Then we made a pot of black tea, using a mix of Earl Grey and Prince of Wales since we are heathens. We added a good deal of buckwheat honey and some lavender, and used the mint and lavender cubes in here as well, adding a few dashes of vanilla extract as an afterthought. They were both pretty delicious, and we make a point of drinking them out of mason jars whenever possible, because homebrewed iced tea and mason jars just feels like there right pairing.

Dinner that night was a lot of fun to make. Owl was even kind enough to let me do the cooking---she made her own birthday cake, while I made us dinner. I made Ahi Tuna rubbed with rosemary, ginger, mustard seeds, coriander, allspice, Ceylon cloves, cracked bay leaves, and Thai chiles. (Aside from the rosemary and ginger, the rest of the spices were from a spice blend originally meant for crab boils. I have never used it for this purpose, but I find the blend wonderful for so many other occasions.) These were served with crab cakes, though I admit to not making them myself. We got premade crab cakes, and I simply had to cook them, then add some lime to the top for a bit of a kick. I steamed up some spinich and mustard greens, cooked them with butter and red wine, and added some garlic. While the tuna was cooking I sauteed some Cremini mushrooms, shallots, and green peppers, and added them to the steamed greens.

Owl's part of the meal was, in my opinion, the best. She wanted to make either chocolate cupcakes or a chocolate cake, but we ended up having enough batter that she made both. They're both chocolate cakes with dark chocolate and raspberry frosting, and they are absolutely stunning. The cake itself as a ring of blackberries as well as of strawberries, and I really love the little raspberry crowns on all of the cupcakes!

I had an amazing time on Tuesday both cooking and eating food. That hasn't happened in awhile, and it was amazing to be back in the kitchen, cooking food for fun and for a special occasion, instead of doing so as a chore when I have no appetite and no energy. I enjoyed every minute of it, and I'm going to make more of an effort to cook like this more often, Mystery Illness or no.

Owl, it's been a really amazing four years. Thank you for spending them with me. And once again, happy birthday!

I hope my ramblings about food and about my own cooking weren't too boring for you all. This just feels like a fairly major achievement for me, in light of all that has been happening, and I wanted to share it with you. Plus, I'm really proud of the meal I made, and I even took pictures to show it off! If you are reading this and you are a person that I ever get to see in Real Life, you should let me cook for you sometime. It will make me immensely happy, and I'm actually pretty good at it, much to my own surprise.

Thanks for reading. Now I'm hungry! Mmmm, cake.

A Return to Joy

Hey all,

It's been a rough week or so, but today I wanted to get back to the happy. You know why? Because a few minutes ago it became the best day of the whole year for me. My anniversary. Oh, and also my birthday. As of today, May 12th, Raven and I have been together for 4 years. And I am 26 years old.

I love that two such special days coincide. It makes is basically impossible to forget either event (something I'm prone to in both past relationships and past birthdays). It also means more reason to celebrate and less focus on only me. I have always enjoyed my birthday, but the more of them I have the less I want to focus solely on myself that day. My birthday is always an excuse to spend time with my friends and people I love. There is nothing better than spending it with my partner. No better gift than a reminder that we have enjoyed another year together.

But enough drivel! I'm sure you don't come here to read that. Instead I'm going to share our birthday/anniversary plans. Tomorrow (after we sleep, tomorrow) there will be delicious breakfast to be made and consumed. Then we will probably hang about the house and play some games (I'm itching for Dominion). We have also made plans to see Avengers at last -  we're hoping for less people on a Tuesday afternoon while most folks are at work and school. Raven is a darling and picked out some delicious food to make for dinner - though we'll share the cooking itself. It's less fun to observe. I'm going to make raspberry chocolate cupcakes - an endeavor I am fully looking forward to. Also looking forward to making some creative iced tea - mint honey green tea with some very special ice cubes that we prepped tonight.

These are basil and lemon, but we also have mint, lavender, blackberry, lime and a few combinations of  those permutations chilling in the freezer. PRETTY EXCITED!

We will also do gifts tomorrow and I'm excited about the way we're doing that too. Raven already picked up some neat stuff for me at thrift shops - mostly apartment decorations. She also bought me some amazing stuff at our local comic book shop (which we frequent enough to be recognized as "regulars" - something that pleases us both to no end). Our anniversary gifts will be a joint endeavor though and I think that's a wonderful idea. We're going to get some silly, but useful gadgets or decor for our apartment. And I'm pretty giddy about picking out something new and neat to help keep our house neat, our kitchen well stocked, or our apartment in order. I guess I really am getting older. The only gifts that could make me more excited would be books. Or maybe socks...

Best wishes,
Owl

....Can't...Even...

I can't find more words tonight. Didn't find this until today - not sure how I missed it earlier. Another shooting of an unarmed civilian by police. This one in Venice, CA. 

Clearly some changes need to be made nationwide.

Can't Even

I'm sure you've noticed I haven't posted in a while. Raven, you know why. Now to share with all of you, readers. I have been pretty wrapped up in what's been going on in Baltimore the last week or so. For those who don't know let me sum up: Baltimore, MD broke into protests/riots after Freddie Gray, a young black man, died after a spinal injury sustained while in police custody. This is one incident in a string of incidents involving the police and the black community and a hefty dose of misuse of power.

I have been thinking a lot about the situation in Baltimore and across the country and I have a lot of feelings about the issue (really, issues). But I have so many it's difficult to decide where to start. And more paralyzing than that is the feeling that it isn't really my story to discuss or weigh in on. A lot of my white friends and coworkers have been saying in the last few weeks that they have a lot of feelings about the situation, but don't feel it is their place to comment or offer opinions as it's not "their issue/story". I wondered if maybe they were right. I don't have the faintest glimmer of an idea of what it means to be black in this country. Especially not a black male (surprise I'm neither of those things). Should I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself?

I've gone back and forth on the question for a while. I can see an argument to be made on both sides. It's certainly not right of me to weigh in as if I have all the information. Nor is it right to bring a solution to the table assuming a million others haven't been offered already (some exactly the same as what I would suggest). It would also be wrong to assume that my voice holds a ton of weight in the discussion. I haven't experienced a lot of the issues personally. I haven't even had many friends who've experienced them personally. 

But I also don't think it's right for me to stay silent. To believe that the issues surrounding Baltimore don't affect me would be incredibly short sighted and ultimately, naive. Every part of a society interacts with every other part of the same society. Just because I will not be harassed by the police because of my skin color doesn't mean police brutality doesn't affect me. Just because I will not suffer from racism directly, doesn't mean that living in a racist society* won't impact my life in profound and far-reaching ways.

I don't have a lot to say about the issue when you really boil it down. That's what I've been realizing this week. The most pressing thing I have to say is this: we all harbor prejudice from the everyday person on the street, to a sitting politician, to an on-duty cop. Not all of us are aware of those prejudices and that is the problem, not that we have. We are always going to make snap judgments about other people. We sort people and things and situations into groups to make our lives simpler and keep ourselves safe. It's natural to do and we shouldn't have to be ashamed that we do it because it's not a conscious choice. But we should try to understand those subconscious choices we make and not let them guide our conscious actions. Every cop should understand that they are quicker to shoot at a black target than a white one (seriously, there have been a million studies done). This isn't necessarily a bad thing unless it's a bias that goes unchecked. With training and awareness of the bias hopefully how quickly we react to an unarmed target will change. 

The other thing I have been thinking a lot since stories like these starting gaining a wider audience through the media is that getting defensive about the issue is the least productive thing you can do. A lot of reactions, especially from white folks, has been to turn the attention to black on black crime (usually gang related). Notably, shortly after the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson there was a high homicide weekend in Chicago and an outcry about ignoring black on black crime in favor of advancing a race argument about Ferguson's shooting. Stewart's "Daily Show" tackled the issue and uses almost the exact words that I have been turning over in my head for weeks: We should expect our police officers to hold themselves to higher standards than criminals. We should should expect police officers to behave better and with more, shall we say, legality, than a gang member.

Beyond those two, very prevalent thoughts, I have been wrestling with an almost happiness that events like these are forcing a conversation in this country about the way we view race and racism. I will never and can never be happy the events occurred and I think it is beyond upsetting that they had to occur to force this clearly necessary conversation, but I am also glad that people have reacted as they have. In most cases. I wish there was better, more fair, coverage of Baltimore that showed how people are pulling together and rallying around the issue in peace and as a community, rather than focusing on the outliers taking advantage of a chaotic situation. I think it is imperative that this country take a deep, hard look at its race problems and remind ourselves that the civil rights movement did not end in the 60s. We should still be fighting today. We should still be vigilant about racism and racist attitudes in ourselves and in our government because they haven't gone away. And they're never going to if we don't work through our own guilt and defensiveness to confront them. That is ultimately the reason I decided to post about it. It isn't my story. It's our story. We are all a part of it, whether we acknowledge it or not. And like we've all been hearing since elementary school, if you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem.

So there you have it. My few coherent thoughts on the issues of Baltimore before I descend into blind rage and madness. I can feel it coming on now so I will bid you goodnight. And happy conversing.

*We can save the debate for whether or not we live in a racist society for another post. Suffice it to say that I feel like we do because everyone harbors racial prejudices and by and large the people in power are still white (and male - though that is a whole other can of worms.)

Bears hibernate in the winter, bloggers hibernate in the spring?

I wrote a short and yet still rambling post about why we haven't updated in awhile (we haven't actually been hibernating), and then I didn't post it. Two reasons: first, nobody wants to read my rambling---what is this, a blog or something? and second, none of them were especially good excuses. Or rather, they were, but they were still excuses. So instead, I'm just going to take responsibility, like a mature adult! We've fallen a tad short of that post-a-day goal we set for ourselves, and we recognize that. I'll be honest, this will almost certainly happen again in the future. Probably the very near future. So: sorry.

However, do not fret! If our blog is the only thing that sustains you through the monotony of your day-to-day life, then...well, I'm very sorry. That must be rough for you. BUT there is yet hope! Ours is not the only blog out there. It certainly isn't the best. So as a favor to you, dearest readers, I will henceforth compile a list of blogs that you can turn to when we have let you down. Just don't leave us for them. We don't have to be your favorite blog. Just let us be one of your blogs!

Is it time for another list post? Why, yes it is! Here's a list of...er. Some number of blogs you can read while you wait for us to brighten your monochromatic existance.

...Apparently I think that all of our friends and families live in a Dilbert cartoon. I sincerely hope that this is not the case. If it is: don't trust the talking dog. He's definitely up to something.

Blogs that are far better as good as this one
1.) Hyperbole and a Half
So, Allie Brosh is far worse at updating than we are.  If you are looking for a blog that updates regularly, this is not it. In fact, after many hiatuses, I think that it may finally be defunct. That said, it is without a doubt one of the funniest blogs that I have ever read. Possibly the funniest. Allie Brosh has strongly influenced my own blogging style, though I try to downplay it somewhat on here as it is not a style that is sustainable on a day-to-day basis. Also she is far more clever than I. Hyperbole and a Half, unsurprisingly, exercises a dramatic style of writing to tell generally mundane stories from Allie's life, often reflecting back on her childhood with a delightfully exaggerated voice. With simplistic, MS Paint art and posts varying in length from a few words to long essays, there is nothing quite like Hyperbole and a Half, and I encourage you to go through her archives.

2.) The Oatmeal
Disclaimer: The Oatmeal is not for everybody. Matthew Inman has a very unique sense of humor that relies heavily on self-deprecation, cynicism, a sort of childish sense of excitement, and, like Allie Brosh, gross exaggeration. The Oatmeal is both a blog and a comic, with a few stops in between for quizzes, infographics, and shenanigans. His posts range from actually informative to humorously informative to insightful to just plain silly. Also, he really likes cats.

Incidentally, both Inman and Brosh have published books of their work! You can find them online, or in your local bookstore, like the Barnes and Noble in which I am writing this. They make delightful gifts for the blogger in your life, especially those who have birthdays in a few months and definitely, totally need more books and are not in any way out of shelf space.

3.) Lifehacker
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get some odd looks for putting this on here, but that's okay. For those of you who  may be unfamiliar with the term "lifehacking", it's much more benign than it sounds. Simply put, a lifehack is a tip or a trick to streamline day to day activities. The word has gotten a bad rap, as it is associated with silly, trivial, and occasionally misleading advice. Amanda Mannen at Cracked.com has an entertaining post on how lifehacks can be pretty dumb sometimes, and she makes some good points. That said, if you do happen to be the type of person who has a favorite type of pen, spends time considering how best to organize your purse/backpack/messenger bag, and enjoys optimizing daily routines, then Lifehacker is a great resource. I am absolutely that type of person, and I enjoy much of the content on Lifehacker immensely.

Even if you're not that type of person, however, Lifehacker still has some helpful resources. For instance, the site has regular career spotlights, like one of today's posts, a spotlight on a game designer at Phosphor Games. Lifehacker also features daily roundups of the best deals on the Internet,, although these roundups are actually from Kinja, an aggregator that hosts Lifehacker, as well as other popular blogs like Deadspin, Kotaku, Gizmodo, and Gawker.

4.) Literary Starbucks

Ever wonder how your favorite author would order a drink at Starbucks? No? Are you now? Then do I have the blog for you. This Tumblr blog features a sleek design, a wonderfully dry sense of humor, and a range of genres and styles. Every book nerd should check this out.


This list was going to be longer, but I took a break after entry four because of a curious encounter at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks. I'd tell you more about this curious encounter, but I'll save it for another post!

For  now, I will leave you with these four blogs. Perhaps I'll dole out suggestions in installments. I'm sure I'll need to apologize again soon for missing so many posts. Meanwhile, what other blogs do you read? Any suggestions?

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your patience as we muddle through this blog-a-day concept.

-Raven